My Induction To The “HOOD”…

I will never forget the day I found out i was pregnant. That day consisted of a pee stick, a picture, my best friend and Chinese take out!

the day she found out! Auntie Morgs!

About a week before I was convinced to take a test, I started having these CRAZY dreams… about babies. Like they were completely real life. So I peed on the stick.. didn’t believe it. Made an emergent appointment to see my doctor.. he stuck that big jelly stick in my hoohah.. and said “look, you’re definitely having a baby.” There was NO denying it. 12.5 weeks in.. That alien making me eat everything and my pants too tight already had arms and legs when I first saw him! I knew from that point on.. I was in for it. Still couldn’t wrap my head around it, I was 19 at the time.. what 19 year old really wants to think about parenthood.. well nowadays, all of them.. but when I was 19.. nope none of us. So the doctor said here’s some pictures to take home, you better think of something good to tell your parents.

Gee thanks doc.. way to add on the pressure. As if the pressure the button on my jeans had been enduring wasn’t enough!

So that evening, a couple good friends of mine were throwing a field party.. nothing like a newly pregnant girl.. not yet a woman.. going to a field party to share her glorious news, right?! So me and my best friend load up in the car and I tell her I’ve got some news for her.. but first let’s get some chinese takeout! She said “Berkley, tell me what’s going on!” Oh okay.. but can we still get egg rolls because I’m starving.. and now officially eating for two so order me 4.

Yep that’s how she found out.

My mom didn’t believe me. Which it took me a week to figure out how I was going to break the news gently without her going to jail for a double homicide! But I had pictures to prove it.. She eventually got excited! My dad.. well he was a bit ridiculous.. he wanted to know “EXACTLY how did that happen!”.. well dad ya see… what had happened was.. a little huggin’ and a little kissin’ turned into a little bedroom messin’.. And well yeah.. shirts came off.. Pants got unbuttoned, and eventually he stuck me in the target hole. P O W .. that’s kinda how it happened. Wasn’t quite comfortable going into all the good details.. with my father. Sorry pop, not happening.

So the excitement started to kick in.. but i still had to tell my grandparents. Long story short.. one was excited, one stopped talking to me, and the other thought my ultrasound picture was of a puppy. Good lord.. who has ever seen ANY ultrasound picture look like a puppy. A PUPPY, puppies are cute. Maybe an alien.. or an organ? But a puppy… cmon Mawmaw.

So all summer I got super fat off Moe’s burritos, chili cheese fries from sonic, and la fiesta. No denying my oven baked cookie has a little Mexican heritage. Literally like 1/8. His great grandma.. is from mexico.. i think. Hell I don’t know. All I wanted was spicy Mexican food. And popcorn.

I used to go to the movie theatre.. like 3x a week. All summer. But, guess how many movies i actually watched. NONE. I would go, buy a TUB of popcorn and take it home. No shame. What baby wanted.. baby got! And that motto still is in effect today. 7 years later. Whatever Beckett wants.. he usually gets. Spoiled brat.

8 Months in the oven

The people in the sonic drive thru and myself were on a first name basis.. I didn’t even have to stop at the order kiosk after about 2 weeks. My sister was in middle school, and luckily enough when I would go pick her up it was HAPPY HOUR at sonic. $.99 Route 66 drinks. Thank you I’ll take a cherry limeade and a chili cheese fry. Everyday 2:15 Monday through Friday.

Next thing you know.. it’s been 5 months and it was about time to make an exit route for that watermelon I was lugging around under my shirt. My boobs were as big as my belly at this point. My mom was worried I was going to suffocate my baby when I tried to nurse him. It was that serious. They were that big. We were really trying to figure out safe tactics on trying to nurse my kiddo.

Before we get all into that.. lets take a minute to learn about giving birth. And how to save your childs life… BLESS. My sister was like 12. I didn’t want to go to these classes by myself.. so i drug her along with me. Good birth control learning about how your vagina will get to be the size of a basketball right?! Ya’ll.. i can’t. She was mortified. But honestly so was I.. “where do i sign up for a c-section?!” So all i learned was its gonna hurt like hell.. if your baby is large and in charge he is going to RIP his way out of your crotch.. your vagina may become one with your butthole… and breathe.. in and out, slowly, without hollering… Okay, got it.

On to CPR.. on a FRAGILE infant. My sister put the baby on her knee to do back compressions, and knocked the damn head off the kid. Yep, Aunt Pep, you will NOT be babysitting. How the hell.. I just don’t get it. So by the end of the program, everyone was praying for the safety of my baby..

Since my husband was in the air force, i got to pick my kids birth date. I chose Jan 6th. So Jan 5th i went in the hospital, they hooked me up to all the good meds to force labor. Well, apparently I wasn’t going to force anything out at any fast pace. The next day, after a whole night of meds to induce me, i had only progressed 2 cm. Seriously… Contractions started that afternoon and we progressed to a 4cm. Dr comes in and says “alright lets try something stronger, and i want you to bounce on this big ball”.. oh okay doc, that sounds fantastic, said nobody ever.

So here we are, Jan 8th.. 3 days in labor.. I’m completely miserable, dilated to a 7 cm and sitting pretty there, contractions about to make me smack someone. Where’s my husband… at a family reunion.. eating delicious food. Where am I.. laid up in the hospital, bouncing my big fat pregnant ass on a workout ball.

1o pm rolls around, my stubborn child still hasn’t felt like he should make an appearance. I was convinced he just was going to stay put where he was. Already making me pull my hair out and he hasn’t even taken his first breath… Lord sweet baby Jesus above, GET THIS KID OUT OF ME.

Luckily for me, my water had been broken by the doc around lunch time that day, hoping that would make him come out.. kinda like a fish without water right?! Nope. But you can only keep the little fish in there with no water for so long before he can be exposed to infection, so off to the ER we go. Apparently the doctors think he was stuck. My BIG hips, were not made to push out a baby.. i don’t know how. But 11 pm on the dot, that assumption was confirmed. My sweet baby boy, came out of the slit in the stomach with a blue cone head looking just like a member of the Avatar family. Welcome sweet baby Avatar. We love you anyways ❤

Welcome to the hood… parenthood.

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